‘Leaving Dc’ A Lesson on Anticlimax and the Deflation of Tension

As any writer will tell you, endings are hard. I used to give Stephen King (who remains my favorite author) endless grief for his seeming inability to satisfyingly end any of his stories post, like, 1990. That is, right up until I started writing fiction myself, and finding that, holy hell, endings are the worst. Telling a story is easy. You can pile on as … Continue reading ‘Leaving Dc’ A Lesson on Anticlimax and the Deflation of Tension

‘Jack Frost:’ Help, My Dad is an Undead Snow Lich and Also Michael Keaton

Before we really get into just how deeply unsettling this movie is, let me clear something up first: If you’re like me, you have fond memories from your childhood of wandering through the aisles of some nondescript video rental store (or a Blockbuster, if, unlike me, you actually grew up in civilization) on a Friday night, browsing through each shelf row by row while your … Continue reading ‘Jack Frost:’ Help, My Dad is an Undead Snow Lich and Also Michael Keaton

Festive War Crimes with ‘The Santa Clause’

Okay, so right off the bat, using The Santa Clause as an example of why Christmas movies are inherently terrifying is cheating a little, because c’mon: Tim Allen, right? A Trump worshipping, coke-trafficking snitch whose bizarre growls and groans in the Home Improvement era of his career suggest either demonic possession or genuine mental illness. His hardcore conservative views clash constantly with his Disneyfied, Buzz … Continue reading Festive War Crimes with ‘The Santa Clause’

The Blogger Under the Stairs is Here to Ruin Christmas!

I’ll be honest with you guys up front: I hate Christmas movies. With a burning passion. This is partially because I’m just innately a Grinch of pre-ghost Scroogean proportions. Sure, I’ll stomach a Christmas tree in the house and a few odd strands of twinkling lights, but I’ve never been one to really give myself fully to the holiday spirit. No ugly sweaters, no wreaths … Continue reading The Blogger Under the Stairs is Here to Ruin Christmas!

The Consequences of Zack Snyder’s Justice League

This week, after years of fan demand, internet crusading, and overwhelming amounts of baseless speculation and theorizing, Zack Snyder’s near-deified cut of 2018’s Justice League was released to streaming services. Zack Snyder’s Justice League, otherwise known as “The Snyder Cut,” is a 4-hour, massively ambitious, and extremely anticipated operatic epic that takes the same basic plot and structure of the officially released theatrical cut, and … Continue reading The Consequences of Zack Snyder’s Justice League

Dave Filoni and the Magic of Star Wars Animation

If you’re anything like me, the only reason you’re still paying for Disney+ is The Mandalorian. It’s amazing how, after the divisions and rifts caused by the (at best) mixed reception to the Disney-era Star Wars sequel films, a piece of media in the franchise could be so overwhelmingly acclaimed. And the praise is well deserved, as The Mandalorian is pretty much the perfect distillation of what makes Star Wars so enduringly … Continue reading Dave Filoni and the Magic of Star Wars Animation

Rebootquels, and How to Properly Revive a Franchise

If there’s one thing people love to complain about in reference to cinema, it’s Hollywood’s apparent lack of originality. It seems that every film to hits theaters these days (assuming, of course, the theaters are actually open) is either an adaptation, a sequel, or a remake of an existing property. Two seconds on any film blog or entertainment news site will more likely than not yield … Continue reading Rebootquels, and How to Properly Revive a Franchise

The Haunted World of El Superbeasto: Rob Zombie Has Finally Broken Me

The Fourth in a 5 Part Look at the Career of Modern Cult Horror Icon Rob Zombie. In the past couple of weeks, as I’ve been systematically going through Rob Zombie’s filmography, I’ve tried to be as objective as possible. I don’t mean that I’ve shied away from sharing my opinions on these films, because I absolutely haven’t: I’ve pretty much hated most of them, … Continue reading The Haunted World of El Superbeasto: Rob Zombie Has Finally Broken Me

Rob Zombie Murders Halloween

The Third in a 5 Part Look at the Career of Modern Cult Horror Icon Rob Zombie. If there’s one point that I want to really hammer home during this marathon of mediocre horror flicks, it’s that Rob Zombie is not one for originality. Everything from his songs to his music videos to his films are all built upon decades of previous works. To call … Continue reading Rob Zombie Murders Halloween

Haunted Houses & Rejects From Hell: Rob Zombie’s Firefly Trilogy

The Second in a 5 Part Look at the Career of Modern Cult Horror Icon Rob Zombie. When looking at the now-nearly 20-year film career Rob Zombie, I suppose there’s perhaps no better place to begin than at the beginning, at the height of his solo music career. In the late 90s, Zombie was approached by Universal studios to create an attraction for their annual … Continue reading Haunted Houses & Rejects From Hell: Rob Zombie’s Firefly Trilogy